Farmer's Market
On growing together
My wife’s been growing vegetables for 31 weeks now. Or put another way: we’re expanding our family at the end of summer.
I’ve wanted to be a dad long before I had any meaningful career aspirations. No doctor or lawyer (sorry Mom, I’m too much of an artist). Not even a professional football player (sorry Dad, I’m too much of a realist). Being a dad has always been my North Star dream.
As we get closer to the due date, I’ve been asked a lot of thoughtful questions by friends and family. The most popular by far is, “What are you looking forward to most about becoming a dad?”
Before I can even answer, a flight of emotions floods my face. Since we first saw double lines, my emotions have 10x’d—and I already felt things deeply. Centering myself, I realize the only thing I care about as a dad: making him feel loved and safe to be him.
I cannot wait to see what grabs his interest. Even more: I hope he’s into something I know little about so it gives me the opportunity to learn something new and connect with him over it.
My parents did a great job of this: they let me try anything. And I mean anything: from tee-ball to soccer, piano to guitar, art classes and theater, basketball, and eventually injury-prone football. I was fortunate to try it all! I still have a hard time fathoming how in the world my mother allowed the last, but the truth is they gave me every chance to find my thing.
When something didn’t feel right—even if it was short-lived—they let me try something new. No questions asked.
They never missed a practice or game, either. If there were an award for most memory used recording plays, my dad would have won it unanimously. Showing up like that gave me the support I needed to trust my intuition; a blueprint to finding myself.
My son will be entering the classroom of life.
Even though his mom and I will be teaching him literally everything he knows initially, we’ll be learning from him too. The best teachers and students benefit each other. After all, aren’t we all students?
Then one day, my son and I will have deep conversations about the state of the world, overanalyzing the Chicago Bears’ offseason moves, and most importantly: how to be an emotionally intelligent man. When he inevitably asks me something I don’t have an answer to, I won’t fabricate something to appease him. I’ll simply say, “I don’t know, bud. Let’s figure it out together.”
Community compounds growth.
People who are looking for ways to grow find them. Whether you get where you’re going or not, you’ll learn through the process of exploring something new. And if you don’t get there right away, that’s okay. Failure often teaches more because it demands change.
Over time, these experiences become stories you can’t wait to tell. And, more often than not, they’re the stories people connect with most.
Donald Miller talks about how conflict creates meaning in a story. It makes audiences pay attention. Maybe that’s because, shocker, the best stories aren’t about things going according to plan. That would be entirely too boring. They’re about moving through conflict and seeing what happens next.
You see: being willing to try creates the conditions for strong, vulnerable relationships.
If I had to name the best lesson I’ve learned in my adult life, it would be this:
the relationships worth prioritizing are the ones where we connect and grow together.
So from bedtime stories outlining the 10 quintessential parts of California to the hilarious mixups we’ll tell at dinner parties later in life, I only see adding a child into the mix as a way to deepen our connection.
We have just a few short weeks until our sweet, little vegetable has a face and personality we can instantly identify. While I don’t fully know how my life is going to change just yet, I do know one thing: I’ll be giving him every opportunity I can to find who he is. There’s nothing I want more as his dad.
This issue's poem explores growing together while answering my most frequently asked question.
Bring on the harvest.
Farmer’s Market
The stand only had
Cauliflower this week
Ever since getting vegetables
Everyone’s been asking
What our favorite will be
Unexplainable art they draw?
Inheriting our inches on the wall?
Belly laughs from nothing at all?
No doubt all that
And even more unknown too
But really deep down
It’s just the myriad of ways
You’ll find yourself through
Cannot wait a moment more
To connect over learning
Something brand new
Like starting a garden
Our family is better
Because we get to
Grow with you