Parking Lot
Lessons from learning to trust myself
I used to have a fear of parking. Not always the act of parking—I aced my driver’s test. But simply the idea of finding my place. “Is there room for me here? Will I make it on time?” peppered my thoughts, literally and figuratively, as I navigated my twenties.
That fear wasn’t just logistical. Though don’t get me wrong, I did used to pre-scout where I could park when going out. It mirrored how I moved through the world—unsure if I belonged, waiting for permission, and measuring my worth by others’ validation.
When I started writing this poem, I wanted to capture the tension between seeking arrival and feeling at home in myself regardless.
I wondered, “Do we ever arrive?”
Maybe a surprise: I think we can.
But then the question quickly becomes: what now? Do let yourself enjoy it? Or are you immediately chasing the next thing?
These days, I feel more secure and content than I ever have. Yet sometimes, I still catch myself circling the lot only to take up two different spots—trying to be someone I know I don’t want to be.
Recently at a tennis meetup, a gentleman started giving me unsolicited pointers between sets. I didn’t want the help, but he insisted. After nodding along to his lecture, I was ready to take his advice. Maybe I should get a hitting partner. Maybe I do need a coach for my backhand.
Then it hit me:
I’m getting exactly what I want out of tennis right now. I’m having fun. I’m moving my body. I’m connecting with an old part of me. I’m not the best out there—but I’m okay with that.
I’m getting what I want.
A younger version of me would’ve tried to optimize it just because someone else said I needed to. Thankfully, I knew the only approval I needed: mine.
That sounds like arrival to me.
This poem is for anyone learning the art of trusting themselves. The validation you need is already within you.
-Sam
Parking Lot
Validate me
Because I have lots
Of reasons why
This self-driving car
Bought into the idea
That I’m not enough
On my own
Straddling the line
Between who I’ve been
And who I want to be
Some say, “Look at that park job”
But I already know
It’s not good for me
Circling around my mental block
Reminds me how
Claiming my space
Is as hard
As finding it in the first place
When parallels are already taken
And mine is reserved
If I’m not mistaken
But it just feels like
Stalling here could get me booted
Without a text coming through
To remind me of what I know deep down:
That there’s still time left
To trust myself
Maybe one day soon
I’ll drive in
Without thinking twice
About the alignment no one notices:
Who I am, who I want to be
I’ll just pay in full
Knowing that I’ve earned
My place here
No code needed
I’m free